Playtime!

Jake and I playing with his fire house, he put the hats on us too to play along in!

 

Jake and I have a dance through out the day. Our dance changes depending on season, I feel like we have been dancing through winter for quite a while. At any point throughout the day you may find me , doing laundry , changing sheets, making a meal, cleaning a meal, cleaning, kissing boo boos, fixing Legos, just normal daily household duties as well as moments of reading a book, eating while watching the latest house hunters episode ( lunch break?) but the most fun and rewarding parts of my day are playing with Jake.

Im a stay at home mom and I love it! I really feel this is exactly what I am supposed to do and Jake and I were always meant to be together. He is truly the light and love of my life! I love watching him grow and as I would love to slow it down a little I also love with everyday comes fun new things. Jake has the most incredible imagination. We will go to the movies and he will come home and want to recreate what he has seen and will add in new ideas too. After telling me his new idea he always says: that’s a great idea! Jake is also very confident! He’s really been into Legos, I think lego city is now my family room but it creates a great place for play! I will be the police chief and Jake ke is the policemen that are dispatched to catch the bad guy. We usually have an escaped convict too- Jakes idea. I always want to have the characters just talk, pretend to eat but Jake always loves the chase and drama.  We usually negotiate for story ideas but I usually let him run with his imagination and I play along.   We also play trains, car races and take a trips to radiator springs or prop wash junction. Jake reminds me so much of myself growing up when he plays. He’s very controlling! He will tell me what my people should say which I used to do to my friends.

For the holidays Jake wanted a disney princess castle, I was so excited! I bought mini Sophia the first dolls to play with. Jake has a solider castle too so when I take out the Sophia castle he takes out his solider castle. He protects my castle but then usually a dragon will land on the princess castle or lightning McQueen shows up at the castle door and Sophia is off to watch the race.

Jake is growing up so fast so I want as much playtime as I can get! my goal during play is to put down the phone, get on the floor and play! I see the biggest smile on his face when I’m into the play and attention is on Jake.  At the playground we pretend we are Jake and the pirates, or princess pirates. If he’s with a friend I follow along in the background and watch my little guy use his play skills with others, make sure he’s safe and happy and sometimes enjoy a few moments on the bench enjoying the outdoors.  Our winter days have been filled with playing in the snow, lots of pretend play, arts and crafts, cooking and baking, mommy/baby yoga, dance parties, cuddle time and learning time. We are looking forward to changing our dance steps in spring, moving outside more and starting up our spring adventures together. Through Jake and through our play I see such a different world, it’s so amazing looking through their eyes. I encourage all of you mommies to try out your floor and play!

I have learned that there are moments that will pass by and we don’t get a second chance. Don’t let these precious moments pass you by, I feel these are the best times of my life! Try that extra dance party before bed, be spontaneous and ask your little one to play the smiles and happiness are the best gifts ever! I definitely feel I get so much more!

Diagnosis: hypochondriac

I am self- diagnosed as a hypochondriac. According to Wikipedia the definition of a hypochondriac is a health phobia or health anxiety, refers to excessive preoccupancy or worry about having a serious illness. The definition goes and I can identify to every word. I guess the ironic part is that my health has been amazing yet I have been really struggling lately with anxiety. Kind of sad.

In a previous post I talked about when doctors diagnosed me with lupus it was my biggest fear come true. For as far back as I can remember I always was worried something serious was wrong. If I had a headache I was worried I had a brain tumor, if I had chest pain I thought I was having a heart attack at 17! I know this is so crazy, not logical and such a disconnect from the positive happy person that I am. When I get into these anxiety flares they are all consuming. I focus on the issue all day or just have a general fatigue of anxiety that follows me. It actually makes me sad to feel this way. I don’t like waking up feeling anxious, I don’t like feeling there is something wrong. As many people tell me I’m fine it just doesn’t sink in.

For a person not dealing with anxiety I realize it’s so difficult to understand the struggle because it seems it should be easy to move through. Right? I’m being told by doctors, intuitive’s, my homeopath, my family that nothing is wrong but I can’t seem to find peace yet. I’ve walked through this very difficult health journey and have made it! I’ve made it out to such a beautiful place, I have everything I want, I have a wonderful supportive husband, beautiful healthy little boy that I get to play with everyday and all day, amazing family, great friends, I feel so grateful everyday but the major disconnect is I can’t fully enjoy my dream I’ve created because I am stuck. In every yoga class the teacher talks about letting go of what doesn’t serve you. Recently during my yoga class I set the intention of letting the anxiety go, just leaving it on the mat because clearly it’s not serving me. I can’t seem to get away from this motto of letting go because even at home the popular song, Let it go from the movie Frozen plays on repeat. Just let it go!

I haven’t written in a while because I haven’t felt the inspiration that brings me to write. The other day I was talking to my intuitive who said this is what you should write about.  So maybe as my therapy or maybe to help someone else I decided to share this part of me as I wait at preschool for my biggest inspiration to finish up. Currently I am working with my homeopath, working with my intuitive, mediating, practicing yoga and as always playing with Jake because there is no time for anxiety when there are Legos to play with.

Tuesday was beautiful and Jake and I spent the afternoon outside with friends. I felt so great for the first time a while. I even told Jake at one point just to look up and look at the beautiful blue sky, take a deep breath of warm air- what a happy afternoon! It felt so amazing to get that taste of spring! I will keep you posted on what works for me, I’ve already had lengths of conversations with myself so I’m hoping that I start listening soon!

Resolutions

 

 

 

 

I am a few weeks late but, Happy New Year!

So many people make New Years resolutions. You can’t turn the channel without hearing a weight loss commercial, a gym commercial, financial help… the list goes on. Gyms, yoga, barre, spin and Pilates studios get extremely crowded.  I always have found though that in about a month things seem to settle down, become a little less crowded again. There is so much pressure on a new years resolution, one mistake and some just stop all together. I don’t like New Years resolutions, I never did. For one, I was never someone that liked to follow the crowd but I really  prefer to check in with myself everyday. I will make lifestyle changes, completely change how I am doing something if it’s not working for me or serving me anymore.

Every evening I think about how my day had been, I am constantly checking in with myself to see how I’m feeling, I check in to see how I’m doing as a mommy and a wife. Depending on what comes back to me I decide to make changes and I make them fairly quickly depending on what it is.  Why hold on to something if it’s not serving you anymore. If something is not supporting your true self then it’s best to let go. I know this is easier said then done at times but with checking in daily and deciding to make a change so much beauty will  be opened to you. For instance, when I felt my health was kind of stuck I started investigating ways to move things forward. My health wasn’t awful but it just wasn’t moving forward. Through that I found a plant based lifestyle and yoga. I have since made more modifications to what I eat but have loved the yoga. I do lots of research before I begin a new regimen to find what feels best. I followed a lot of yoga studios and found Focus Fitness Main Line, which I love. They are a more spiritual studio, love the instructors and owner Allison Sobel. It has become a happy place for me. I feel myself getting stronger physically and spiritually which helps in all aspects of my life. I now eat gluten free, dairy free, no red meat, some days no animal protein at all and if I do only once a day and I will only buy organic whole foods. If I don’t know what a ingredient is I won’t buy the item. I eat very little sugar and soy too. This lifestyle ( I don’t like the word diet) seems to work best for me. Gluten and Dairy are very difficult to digest for most people and cause inflammation,  a lot of animal protein is packed with hormones and chemicals so its best to buy organic food with no added hormones.  As I mentioned I always check in to see how I’m doing as a mommy and wife. I feel very strong and stable in my mommy role. of course I’ve made mistakes but I’ve learned to stay very true with who our family is and what Jake needs. I think it’s so easy to listen to all the advice and what “we should” be doing  but I do my best to follow my intuition and specifically what works for Jake. You have to do what works for your child, you are their best advocate.  I’ve also recently made changes to my wife role. I am trying to make Jamie feel more connected. I feel so blessed that Jamie provides this beautiful life for us, a life which allows me to be with Jacob everyday. I want him to feel more included in our day. These are just a couple of changes I have made throughout the year. If I realize something isn’t working for me I don’t want to wait long to make a change.

I think there is a lot of pressure that goes along with Resolutions. You have waited so long to begin your new journey, maybe waited months to New Years Day and then you cheat on your resolution.  So many people are so devastated by this cheating that they stop their resolution all together. When Jamie and I go out to dinner alone ( which isn’t often), there are times I will eat something I don’t usually eat and then the next day I go right back to eating gluten and dairy free. I have found what works for me. I love the way I eat. I don’t find it difficult because I love the way I feel. If it didn’t feel right I may need to check in again to see what I should change. When I started to workout again I hired a personal trainer to come to my home. Couldn’t be easier but I didn’t feel great about it, I didn’t feel excited to workout. I then found yoga and barre and now I am so excited to go! What I am trying to say is that you have to find what is right for you. Maybe you made a resolution for yourself to loose weight but how you are going about it isn’t exactly right. Your intention is right you just need to find the right path to get you there. Once you are on the right path, you will know it. You will feel happy and excited! You won’t want to cheat and if you do you will just go back to eating great the next day!   For other people,  I have found they waited so long to start until New Years that they don’t even begin, they wait until another date in mind.  Why wait? One thing that I have learned through my journey is to focus on today.  I always try and make this day full of happiness and love, that is the reason why we are all here. We are supposed to be happy, we are not supposed to be sad and angry. Actually, your emotions are a great indicator of how you are doing. If you find that you are sad, tired, anxious it is a good time for a check in to see whats going on and to see what you can do to create happiness in your life. Many times I find I already know the answer but fear holds me back. Fear of the unknown. I have tried to turn that fear into excitement and also try to feel confident in that everything has always worked out when I follow my intuition. I am also so lucky because I have a amazing team around me to support me on my journey. My team consists of my family, friends, my homeopath: Dr. Falkner, Mary Sheehan, My reiki master: Terri Carine and my doctors who have become like friends and see me as a person and not just another patient. I would suggest creating a great team around you that will share in your happiness, that will cheer you on, that will help guide you in your true direction.

I am also constantly visualizing and manifesting what I want. By creating visualizations I then find myself on the path to make things happen. Different people or opportunities manage to come into my life to support what I am trying to achieve. It’s possible they would have come into my life anyway but I may not have perceived them in the same light. I can honestly say things have always worked out for me and I think this is one of the reasons why. Its a very similar idea to Pintrest. Pinning ideas or things we want it a board. I do that everyday in my head and not only do I just see these things there but I see it happening, I feel the happiness and excitement of my manifestations coming true.

By my daily check ins and visualizations I’m always creating the life around me. If resolutions work for you then that’s what you should do but I’m not the best at waiting. Although, not everything happens overnight and there is patience involved but if you know your not feeling great why wait to make a change.

Healthy Life Tip 11: Be Happy

I have learned that gratitude plays a large role in wellness.  Being grateful for what you have in your life will fill you with great happiness and allow for “more”.  I don’t know if I truly understood the meaning of gratitude before I walked through my experience. Growing up we are taught to say thank you for things that we receive, we are taught to be polite but that is different from truly understanding the meaning of the word.  We say thank you to a server that brings us water and we say thank you to a doctor that has saved our life, the same word and really the same meaning but very, very different situations.  We sometimes hear people say, it doesn’t seem thank you is enough when they address someone to express their gratitude because of this reason. It is a word that is used very often and taught at a young age. Jake says thank you, which I find adorable but I’m trying even at his young age of 3 to start to explain gratitude.  Every day we sit together and talk about the people in our life we love, we say thank you for being healthy, happy and thank you for our fun day together.  We wake up every morning, even if its raining and say that its a pretty day out!  Now Jake does it on his own, he will open the curtains and say, mama its a pretty day!  Even if its raining, our universe needs the rain and we can have fun at the movies, or a museum but most importantly it is a day that we are happy and healthy and can be together.  I have found a deeper sense of gratitude in my life, I really try not to let little things bother me too much. I don’t take anything for granted, I am even thankful for the ability to walk up the stairs. I never would have thought about walking up stairs before but there was a time not too long ago when I couldn’t and every time I climb the stairs I take a second to be thankful, and to be thankful for my breath.  I love getting my hair cut, I think most girls do.  You walk out with a great blow out and feel great! Well, for a couple of years I didn’t wasn’t able to get my haircut because I didn’t have any hair. Of course logically I realize that as long as I’m healthy my hair is not as important but once you start feeling well and look into the mirror you don’t quite look yourself and it almost makes you feel sick, I tried to to feel strong instead of sick though- maybe a badge of honor.  A couple of weeks ago I went to get my haircut, maybe the forth or fifth time and the guy washing my hair commented that my hair was so thick and long.  He doesn’t even realize how much that compliment meant to me, since for so long its been more or less non existent.  Most importantly I couldn’t be more grateful for my beautiful baby boy, my amazing husband, and very supportive and loving family. I feel beyond grateful everyday for my health and the health and happiness of my family. There isn’t one time that I don’t look at Jacob and feel so beyond grateful and so full of emotion of the beautiful miracle he his, for his great strength and beautiful spirit. There isn’t a morning that goes by and I don’t feel tremendous gratitude for life. I actually feel my gratitude through my whole being, I feel so excited, almost giddy everyday. I realize not everyday goes without challenges but instead of resisting I try and flow through challenges which makes the journey easier and happier. For example, as I have mentioned Jake is not a good sleeper. That could actually be an understatement, he is really not a good sleeper and for 3 1/2 years Jamie and I have not slept through the night unless my amazing mom sleeps over which she does at least twice a week to help. But, I have to say even though I am so tired hearing Jake scream mama at 1:30 in the morning feels so good. I am so grateful that I can be with him and give him the love and support and needs because I remember the time when I couldn’t physically be there for him and I know too well the feeling of that loss. As long as we are healthy, happy and surrounded by love I couldn’t feel more grateful. I feel so grateful to my amazing team of doctors, my homeopath Dr. Falkner and my team that has surrounded me with great love and support. I thrive everyday and I’m the mommy that I want to be because of all these amazing people that surround me. As I have mentioned I take moments of mediation during the day to be still and silent, I feel so great and very at peace after. Mediation has really helped keep me calm and grounded. I try to be more present and content in every moment which has brought such great peace. Its really amazing what a sense of calm I feel through my whole body by feeling content and grateful with where I am.  I have also learned to feel grateful for knowing what I want to do but even more grateful being able to follow through with that knowledge. We are all here for a reason,  we have to listen to ourselves because only we know what path we should be walking. Be grateful for that little voice because that voice will be your greatest guide. I feel grateful that I get to spend everyday with Jake because I know that when this time is gone I will not get it back.  I can always make more money or do something else but I can’t always have this time with Jacob and you never want to be in a situation where you can’t have a do-over if you want one so follow your little voice because if you do, if you follow your heart you will never be wrong. Days become so busy with the little things that fill up our day but I challenge you to take 10 minutes and be still, think of things that you are grateful for. You may see that in the following weeks your days may look different, you may start to include more things that create happiness and love instead of stress. Its been said that we only have this moment for the last minute is gone and the next minute is unknown so be in every moment and be as happy as can be. I totally believe we can create the world around us and being grateful for what we have will only create more possibilities.  I don’t worry about making sure the laundry is done anymore, my daily mission is to have the most magical day with my little man and to hopefully show him along the way how to celebrate life everyday!